Between Two Bales of Hay

The ALA conference in Anaheim offers many programs, an embarrassment of opportunities. Yet meetings cannot be too attractive, for they have a competitor; not so much from other meetings but from the semi-euphemistically named exhibitors (i.e., sellers), who partly sponsor the conference.

If there are too many attractive meetings, the exhibitors lose their customers, who have a time budget. On the other hand, if too many meetings appear dull or irrelevant, fewer library people will attend the conference.

Thar She Blows (2)

Gushing's opposite is kvetching. (Their bird counterparts would be a bluebird vs. a blue jay.) In favor of the former, it is at least upbeat; while the latter may happen upon an actual problem amongst the many fake ones. Yet both are beaucoup non-discriminating.

The two outlooks may have an uneasy relationship. In the words of Elbert Hubbard "A pessimist is a man who has been compelled to live with an optimist." A library conference or post-conference is much more likely to have--publicly, anyway--gushing rather than kvetching.

Thar She Blows (1)

On the ACRL post-conference webcast critiques were invariably of the gushing sort. I've no objection to praise--especially were it ever to be directed against me--but the sugary compliments lacked intellectual heft. They were pro forma and are another example of librarian "nice-ing," with politeness and support replacing thoughtful criticism.

ACRL Philadelphia: Why? Because We Like You

Free food is to be had at a library conference--candy and hors d'œuvres in the exhibitors' room and, for those lucky enough to receive an invite, a coveted meal at a vendor event. From one view this is a mild form of bribery, and from another this is the just reward for a librarian's legendary niceness.

"One in an ACRL Philadelphia series. Collect the whole set."

ACRL Philadelphia: Nice

At this and previous library conferences, people "nice" me. That is, they are inevitably pleasant and polite, and I return the favor. Any problem in this?

Well, you become hesitant to bring any thoughts (to vendors, to speakers, to colleagues) that challenge this tacit amiability of atmosphere, since they may smack of discord or non-conformity.

"I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education"--Wilson Mizner

"One in an ACRL Philadelphia series. Collect the whole set."

ACRL Philadelphia: Trust Me

As I've stated, some of the talks I attended were dense—or arguably I was too thick. However, not understanding a thing does not prove the information circulated either true or false. While a speaker brings a "trust me" aura to his (her) role, as part of the audience I remain an entrenched skeptic, figuratively and literally a Missourian.

I feel a quote coming on: "Suspended judgment is the greatest triumph of intellectual discipline"—W. K. Brooks

"One in an ACRL Philadelphia series. Collect the whole set."

ACRL Philadelphia: Excess of Evil

If Emily Litella had been a librarian, when a speaker referred to the "axis of evil" she may have heard "access of evil." Maybe she would then have gone on a rant defending the right of libraries to retain pornography.

Or she might have thought of the schedule heading, "Good and evil" (BJ1400-1408.5), which has sub-divisions for "Origin of evil. Depravity of human nature" and "Value of evil" but nothing correspondingly about good. Does this reflect that evil is more widespread than good, if only in the heads of catalogers?

Never mind.

"One in an ACRL Philadelphia series. Collect the whole set."

ACRL Philadelphia: Shhhh

In the time before a program commences, the white noise of harmless pop music fills the auditorium. Here's the principle that any music is better than none. I wish those in charge took to heart the maxim, "Don't speak, unless you can improve on silence."



"One in an ACRL Philadelphia series. Collect the whole set."

ACRL Philadelphia: Coming out in the Wash

It's like something out of Modern Times. In the convention center's restrooms the soap and water dispensers are automated. Put your hands near either and they are supposed to spit out their contents. The soap mechanism makes a whirring sound, the water none (unless it is drowned out).

Except there are times when you have to energetically wave your hands to flag the attention of one or the other. There were occasions when a temperamental soap dispenser that had reluctantly performed would bide its time until you were rinsing your hands and then, seemingly to compensate, whir out its soap futilely without any intentional prompting.


"One in an ACRL Philadelphia series. Collect the whole set."

ACRL Philadelphia: Snap to It

Mad Magazine's Al Jaffee had (and may still have) a series called "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions," which gave three possible comebacks to an impercipient statement. This will be a model for the too frequent situation where a speaker is told by someone in the audience near the back of the room "Speak into the microphone. I can't hear you."

Three possible responses that the speaker can make:

1) "What'd you say? I can't hear you."
2) "There's no microphone. Are you blind as well as deaf?"
3) "Now you know the difference between the more expensive and cheaper seats."


"One in an ACRL Philadelphia series. Collect the whole set."

ACRL Philadelphia: What's My Line

Since I dislike queues--I mean waiting in them--I found appalling the frequency and length of them for those seeking food at various counters in the conference center and the nearby food market. I guess if you live in the city this is expected. I don't, and maybe this is why I lack an immunity to queue-wait (not to be confused with the Middle East country).






"One in an ACRL Philadelphia series. Collect the whole set."

ACRL Philadelphia: Current Event

If you hung around after the sessions of the day ended, you'd find that the Convention Center and the Reading terminal would turn off most of their lights. Presumably, this was for the laudable purpose of saving energy, which even at that level might still take a million hamsters in a million wheels to produce. Ironically, Philadelphia was the residence of Benjamin Franklin, known for his experiments with electricity and whose face adorns the nearby power plant.


"One in an ACRL Philadelphia series. Collect the whole set."

ACRL Philadelphia: Now Hear This

Library conferences are not lavish affairs, though certainly sufficient. They could be much worse. Think of a conference so cheap that the single microphone is made of cardboard. This is just as well, for such a conference could only supply electricity through a small hamster running in a wheel.


"One in an ACRL Philadelphia series. Collect the whole set."

ACRL Philadelphia: Testing (4)

Asking a question of a speaker extends ownership of the talk to the questioner and concentrates the learning experience. Questions that are irrelevant or trivial or very long--as others have said, people stop looking at their watches and start looking at their calendars--can make, if not the speaker, then some of the audience impatient or testy.





"One in an ACRL Philadelphia series. Collect the whole set."

ACRL Philadelphia: Testing (3)

Speakers are chosen by merit, but in the matter of the question/answer session, it's a free-for-all. What if there were an award for the best question, for the one that tested highest? While it wouldn't guarantee the raised quality of a question, it surely couldn't hurt. It might be an incentive to ask thoughtful questions (and within a fixed time limit).

As to who would be the judge, maybe that could be the speaker or the audience, through applause.





"One in an ACRL Philadelphia series. Collect the whole set."

ACRL Philadelphia: Testing (2)

Sometimes it seems that speakers are chosen for the degree of incomprehensibility that they can bring to a topic, which may be recondite to begin with (e.g., knot topology). The understanding of most of the audience is tested and found wanting.




"One in an ACRL Philadelphia series. Collect the whole set."

ACRL Philadelphia: Testing (1)

Before a talk, to determine the efficacy of a microphone, a technician often says "Testing." I wish the tester were more creative. For a library conference, such as ACRL, that person should pronounce the words "Dewey" or "LC," and if more needs to come, start through the schedules.

If poetry were favored, there's Shakespeare's "Give every man thy ear but few thy voice." Me, I'd vote for a recital of Milton: "High on a throne of royal state."



"One in an ACRL Philadelphia series. Collect the whole set."

ACRL Philadelphia: Well, Shut My Mouth

     During the question-and-answer session following a speaker, why do some questioners go into an expansive essay mode? Maybe a captive audience brings this out, or they're intoxicated by the speaker's charisma.

     It is unfortunate that such persons are not limited, Twitter-like, to 140 characters--or to the terseness that decades past characterized telegrams ("Hello [stop]. I liked your talk [stop]. I have a question [stop]. [Etc.]") Instead, they appear to think that they are being paid by the word.



"One in an ACRL Philadelphia series. Collect the whole set."

ACRL Philadelphia: Filler

The room for the 8 a.m. speaker was of optimistic dimensions, but the size of the audience didn't live up to them. Even if it was about circus performance, an invited paper was insufficient motivation to get people out of bed or from their breakfasts. Then again, it is arguable if before or after the talk more of the audience were befogged.






"One in an ACRL Philadelphia series. Collect the whole set."

ACRL Philadelphia: Bird Calls

Some poster proposals are not accepted because they show the library as technologically backward. For example, if one were sent suggesting the use of carrier pigeons to fly e-mails between library workstations.





"One in an ACRL Philadelphia series. Collect the whole set."