Pig Win

"Penguin halts e-books sales to libraries" is a recent sample newspaper headline concerning the discontinuation by the publisher Penguin Group (USA) of selling e-books to libraries. Yet these headlines could be much more invigorating. Here are some possibilities.

"Penguin Gives Libraries the Bird"

"Penguin Cold Shoulders Libraries"

"'Let Them Eat (Fish) Cake' Penguin Tells Libraries"

"Question: What Do Penguins and Libraries Have in Common? Answer: Nothing"
"Penguin Wings Away from Libraries"
"March of the Penguins--and They're Carrying Away E-Books with Them"
"What's Black and White and Red All Over? It's No Longer a Penguin in a Library"
"'So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish'"--Penguin Leaves Libraries in Lurch

Countdown

HarperCollins' decision to put a cap of 26 checkouts on its e-books has drawn the ire of librarians.

Perhaps at each checkout the e-reader could convey a message to the circulation person: "25 to go"; "24 to go," etc. As the end approaches the warnings could become more urgent: "Watch it, there are only 8 to go"; "Time is running out, only 5 to go." The tone could become threatening: "After 2 more checkouts, it's repossession!" Or scolding: "1 to go; aren't you sorry you didn't buy multiple copies?"

What's next on the publisher's plate? Maybe a plan to retrieve hard copies after 26 checkouts.