ALA Anaheim: Say It with Flowers

    It is almost de rigueur for any conference speaker to devote a few words acknowledging their audience of librarians. The words are neither unflattering nor insincere.  To speak of librarians is equivalent to judging the merits of mom and apple pie. As much media makes plain, the public has a consensus of good will toward them. 
     However librarians might enjoy the plaudits they receive from celebrity speakers, when it comes to considering their own, the view is far from appreciative. Think of the Far Side cartoon where one part of a panel shows flowers and has the caption "How we see flowers"; and the other shows these flowers with grotesque physiognomies, the caption being "how flowers see themselves".

Brarians

Since the neologism "cybrarian" combines "cyber" with "librarian" to mean a librarian who organizes cyber information, let's consider other combinations that would define aspects of the profession. Here are a few possibilities:

A crybrarian finds release in romance novels
A drybrarian is in charge of collections about deserts
A flybrarian knows a lot about entomology
A frybrarian gives answers in short order
A guybrarian champions brawny books with buckskin binding and rugged prose
A highbrarian works in airplane libraries
A mybrarian delivers personal service
An oybrarian is in a continuous state of exasperation
A prybrarian is constitutionally nosy
A shybrarian is difficult to locate
A slybrarian is on an administrative path
A stybrarian is messy
A sprybrarian acts younger than she or he is
A wrybrarian sees things as they are--but wishes they weren't

Take That

What would be appropriate librarian gifts for Christmas? How about things made from books--or librarians? In the later case I am not advocating a Frankenstein assembly from librarian body parts, exactly. One could, however, give as gifts those features that compose the librarian stereotype.

Say a false chignon, which could also serve as a hiding place for a flask or any type of contraband (for a male, such a hair bun is overtly conspicuous).

Add to this spectacles, with lenses as thick as an unabridged dictionary and a chain sturdy enough for a ship's anchor.

For a dress, a black neck-to-ankle mummy wrapping would do (again, this would look not quite so fetching on a male).

Last, an arm contraption automated to bring a finger to the lips for a well-earned shush.

The System of Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether

The best library is where the inmates--not the users but the librarians--have taken over the asylum. This plays to the strength of the individual rather than homogenizing the library operation into bland and corporate rules. Librarian-centered administration could create pitfalls of idiosyncratic extremism, obstructionism, and balkanization (as everyone does his own thing), so there must also be individual accountability.